The former Wales captain Ryan Jones has revealed that he cannot remember parts of his playing career after being diagnosed with early-onset dementia and probable chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE).
Jones revealed his diagnosis in 2022 having struggled with depression after concluding his playing days in 2015.
The 45-year-old won 75 Wales caps and was part of three grand slam-winning Six Nations campaigns, and toured with the British and Irish Lions in 2005.
In a new BBC documentary Ryan Jones: Unbreakable, the former back rower revealed that he was torn about whether his career had been worth it as he feared for the future of his six children and step-children.
“It terrifies me, not being able to be the dad and husband I want to be,” Jones said. “My biggest fear is being a burden to them. As I sit here now, was it (his rugby career) worth it? I don’t know, I’m really torn on it.
“I have a beautiful blended family now of six children. I’ve got daughters who I want to see get married, I’ve got boys who are really sporty and I’m 40 years of age and no-one can help. My biggest issue is it is really lonely.
“Four or five years after retiring, I was suffering. I was in a dark place. Every day was a challenge and there were some days I didn’t want to and couldn’t get out of bed. I’d been backwards and forwards to the doctors and tried to articulate to them that I just wasn’t myself. Yes, I was depressed and yes, I was suffering from anxiety. Yes, I was offered medication and no, I didn’t want to take it. In my heart I probably realised there was more to it.”
Jones was given his diagnosis during the Covid pandemic having listened to an interview with fellow former Welsh international Alix Popham,
The pair are part of a large group of former players who are suing World Rugby, England’s Rugby Football Union (RFU) and the Welsh Rugby Union (WRU) at the High Court.
Looking at old shirts in one part of the documentary, Jones suggested that he would sometimes feign recalling details of games that he could not remember.
“I’d be lying if I sat here and said I remember all of it,” he suggested. “I wish I could. I often pretend I do, tell generic stories of games of old, even make stuff up so people don’t feel awkward.”
